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Saturday, May 29, 2010

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus: New and Improved Dimension Tide. The Power of a Black Hole for your Laundry



Godzilla vs. Megaguirus: (Gojira tai Megagirasu: Jî shômetsu sakusen ) 4 out of 10: I know it is a popular pastime to bash "the American Godzilla" but in its defense I would like to give you exhibit A: Godzilla vs. Megaguirus (easier to type than pronounce needless to say.) Where do I begin?

Well let's start with the latest scheme by the Japanese to rid them of Godzilla once and for all. Shoot him with a black hole from outer space. Yup that is practically mishap proof. Now I know that dumping Oxy-Clean into Tokyo harbor killed the first Godzilla, and since then some fairly dubious scientific methods have been used to battle our green friend, but a satellite that shoots black holes has to win some sort of award. I love the scene when the scientist asks the military man "after we destroy Godzilla we destroy the satellite right?" (You can practically see visions of Pearl Harbor 2 in the general's head).

To make matters even worse they already have a team battling Godzilla embarrassingly called G-Grasper (not to be confused with our satellite scheme "Project Dimension Tide" that sounds like a really bad futuristic laundry detergent.) The G-Graspers are lead by the all too cute Misato Tanaka who looks like Amelie joined the French Foreign Legion. G-Graspers fight Godzilla by shooting RPGs at his ankles while dressed as Fed-Ex deliverymen. Surprisingly this isn't effective.

Now I can take miscast actors and silly story lines in a Godzilla film, but at least the special effects are good right? Nope. Megaguirus is clearly on strings in one scene. The fights have groan inducing wrestling moves. Building destruction is surprisingly light. There is way too much bad CGI. In addition there a lot of underwater scenes, which let’s face it have never been a Godzilla strong suit.

This is not excusable for new millennium Godzilla. On the plus side nice there is some nice Mimic action with bugs killing young lovers. But when you start feeling like apologizing to Matthew Broderick it's a sign of a bad Godzilla movie.



Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Adam Sahaba
The charming co-star of this wonderful flick.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Cuba Emergency Response System
Check out the quality set in the background.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Cyrtellia
Worst episode of Whale Wars ever.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Gmina Mycielin
Even the Jet Plane model is cheesy.

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Narrowband modem
DVD Cover

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus Odcinki Dylewskie
Movie Poster






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